Snow Bomb

They called it Snow Bomb. I call it cold and not nice.

So after boredom I was surprised how life could change quite so unexpectedly. I awoke one morning and the back garden was white. Literally white… and cold.

Now there is one thing I always do in the morning and that is to go to the toilet. I went to the front door believing the white would only be out the back. Pa opened the door and I could not believe how bright and cold it was out there. I was not going out. I was holding on… forever.

But holding on is not fun and there is only so long you can hold on for. And so I ventured out. I could feel the cold on my paws and the whiteness was odd. But this was just the beginning.

I maybe 3 years old (I’m a big boy now) but I’ve not really seen snow quite like this before.

The problem with being me is that I am short. As I’ve already told you, I have a short tail and stumpy legs. There is nothing elegant about me. So this snow was becoming a bit of a problem. And to make it worse, it just kept on snowing…

Ma measured the snow: This is very scientific, you know. That was a whole ruler that succumbed to the snow. Almost 12 inches. No wonder I didn’t want to go out and disappear inside the white stuff.

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I sat at the window and stared out. How can the world suddenly be white? What does this mean? Is there a God? And where does food come from?

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At night the temperatures dropped. I’m lucky as I have a fur coat that keeps me warm but I do love those white things attached to the wall that give off heat. I just sit there soaking up the heat – although on this occasion I couldn’t work out why my behind was cold and my face boiling hot.

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Although we still have snow, I have got used to it and it is beginning to melt. I’ve ventured out a lot now. It was actually fun diving into the snow and chasing it.

But now that I don’t need to worry about where to go to the toilet I’m worrying about why the food I’m given is never the one that I want.

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Why don’t I get given freshly cooked fish?
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Bored Bertie

I’ve spent days… no weeks… bored out of my mind. I thought about coming here and letting all my friends know what I’ve been doing but there was nothing to report. I was trying not to feel the pressure of social media with such a boring life but it was hard. I wanted to come here and boast about things that never happened and pretend I have the perfect life. But I didn’t. Instead I tried many new things for real.

Reading: The boredom got me pulling books out of the bookshelf. Claws out and straight into the top to pull it out. Books look interesting. They’re colourful and my claws sink nicely into them. The book toppled out and landed like this. Ma looked rather surprised to see this one – as if I somehow wanted to know about her life…. Actually it just made me hungry.

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Reading wasn’t my forte. So I took the opportunity to bathe myself in sunshine, when there was sun.

Honestly, life was becoming boring. So boring in fact, that after attempting to read a book, sunbathe in winter and sit beside the sofa, to see how long it would take before I was noticed, that I then decided to go mad. I ran like crazy in the living room and managed to grab hold of some wool and attach it to my paw. Off we went together, flying from the living room to the hallway. I span round and span again – wow this yarn, the sparkle, it was amazingly fun. And no catnip in sight (or smell). I was deliriously happy but Ma not quite so. Once she took it off me I found an orange bag to sit in. Maybe this would be more interesting. Nope.

So after bag-climbing, yarn-destroying (with the item being made still attached and rapidly unravelling), sunbathing in winter and reading, I was quite hungry.  With a full tum I tucked myself up to sleep in wait for another day. Only, the following days were a complete shock…

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The Following Episode

I am writing today out of frustration. Do you remember the last episode where I apparently went missing? Well it would seem that Ma and Pa have kept this close to their hearts and believe I am likely to do it again.

Last night they were calling me in. I heard them but chose to ignore. I was actually quite annoyed with them for disturbing the peace – Pa is putting in a fitted wardrobe. He is clearly regretting this decision and I keep hear him saying that next time it’ll be an Ikea wardrobe and he doesn’t care if it doesn’t look as good.

So I wasn’t getting much sleep at all. At bedtime they kept calling me. Nothing. Ma must have this anxiety thing because I heard her say she was sure that I had been eaten by wolves…. Wolves, I ask you? There are no wolves. She corrects herself and says foxes or a badger. She’s only seen one badger here and now apparently my life is threatened by this thing. Convinced I am dead she still keeps popping her head out of the window and calling for me. It’s dark. It’s cold. It’s late. I can’t be bothered to move.

Midnight and Ma is calling again. I’m pretty much stress-free where I am and hope I stay that way. For some reason though she decides to open all the doors in the house and look in the rooms. And there she finds me… all warm and cozy asleep on her coat on the chair. MY place.

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Apparently it’s not my place though and after lots of cuddles she put me in my bed – I’m not allowed out at night.

Now I just dream of sunshine the following day so that I can be outside watching the wind blowing all the leaves about.

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Cat Forum: Interview with Bertie

I’m proud to say that this is my first interview!

Adventures in Cheeseland

Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Welcome to another edition of Cat Forum. This month we’re talking to Bertie. We liked him the first time we met him. He has cattitude and a great personality.  He’d fit right in here at Cheeseland. You can read more of his adventures at Bertie’s Blog.

Would you please tell us a little about yourself?

Not much is known about my history because I haven’t told anyone. It has  left me with abandonment issues and I am always scared that I shall be left behind the way my previous family did. Because of this I asserted myself very early on. I didn’t care for the humans who called themselves Ma and Pa. I wanted to know what the outside space consisted of, how many houses I could go to try and get food from should the same happen again.

Of course now I’ve been…

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Missing

That’s right. I went missing. It was after Ma put a hammock in the garden. Obviously for me.

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I love the hammock!

I was as happy as Larry with my lot in life. But on Saturday morning I decided to head towards the fields. This is not new but this day was different…

I’m not going to tell you where I went because Ma and Pa still don’t know but I was gone for 12 hours, which I’ve never done before. I saw Ma and Pa walking and calling me. I continued to ignore them. They walked an impressive 10 miles. Clearly this is a ploy to get them fit!

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In a very bad mood

When darkness fell I sauntered through the catflap. I could not believe they were both on the sofa crying. Already they had given up on me and thought I wasn’t coming back! What a cheek!

When they saw me they leapt up and cuddled me. I was not in a cuddly mood. They actually grounded me and locked the catflap when all I wanted to do was go straight back outside.

I was not in a good mood at all now.

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You can’t reach me.

In fact I was furious and just so they knew this I decided to sleep under the cabinet where they could not reach me.

We’re all ok now. They let me out again and I haven’t been gone for all that time since. Me and Pa are the best of friends again – he gives me treats when I come in – so purrrfect. I’ve clearly trained him well.

 

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Me and Pa

And I’ve two new chairs now. Of course provided for me because everything is for me. So here is me feeling very smug.

My Places

There are some things in life that are most important. My places is one of them. Admittedly, I do have rather a few places and some of these are just fleeting moments of safety like this one when I was playing hide and seek with Ma and Pa. I thought it was a wonderful place to hide and I bet you can’t see me!

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I also own the farmland opposite and I enjoy sitting on this plonk of concrete contemplating life while I oversee the crops. Ma and Pa can’t find me here either but I can see them.

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When the clouds are low in the sky I like to get up high. I want to reach up and see the sun. Sadly, nowhere is quite high enough to get past the clouds. At least I get a good vantage point from here though. And sometimes a bird even flies in the sky just behind me without me noticing (note to self: I need rear view mirrors).

Sometimes I create havoc where ever I go. Pa tells Ma I’m in psycho-mode.  I just want them to play with me because… well, it’s fun. And I love my playing tower that I can get into and play.

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And these, at the moment, are some of my favourite places. They are places I go to feel secure, to play or to contemplate. After all, life at times is stressful (watching over my territory and the neighbourhood cats is time consuming) and this is ME time. Time for mindfulness.

 

Munchausen by Proxy

I discovered that there is a pattern in the frequency I am taken to the vet. About once a month, just after Pa gets paid. To begin with I thought it was my fault. Firstly there was an abscess and it made me cry. Second time there was another abscess on my tail. Third time…..?

Well  yes, the third time there was nothing wrong with me. A pimple under my chin, the vet said. And “Oh that’s his lymph node there.” So why, do I ask, was I taken to the vet?

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I have been thinking about this for some time, as I sit up high – I feel safer the closer I am to the ceiling and I can think more clearly.  I have come to the conclusion that it is not me that is ill but Ma. Munchausen by proxy to be precise. I have heard of this once. I am not sure what else she will think is wrong with me next month but I noticed her looking at Beauty Salons recently.

I heard her tell Pa that I had 4 white eyebrows on one side and just two on the other. I looked in the mirror and I think I can see what she is talking about. So now I am wondering if she is booking me into a beauty salon for an eyebrow implantation.

My plan of action is stay out of reach when the cat carrier comes out. And I have some amazing hiding places that I will share with you in another post.

In the mean time I am happily playing with my toys because I am fit and well and ready for some hunting! Here’s some action shots!