Snow Bomb

They called it Snow Bomb. I call it cold and not nice.

So after boredom I was surprised how life could change quite so unexpectedly. I awoke one morning and the back garden was white. Literally white… and cold.

Now there is one thing I always do in the morning and that is to go to the toilet. I went to the front door believing the white would only be out the back. Pa opened the door and I could not believe how bright and cold it was out there. I was not going out. I was holding on… forever.

But holding on is not fun and there is only so long you can hold on for. And so I ventured out. I could feel the cold on my paws and the whiteness was odd. But this was just the beginning.

I maybe 3 years old (I’m a big boy now) but I’ve not really seen snow quite like this before.

The problem with being me is that I am short. As I’ve already told you, I have a short tail and stumpy legs. There is nothing elegant about me. So this snow was becoming a bit of a problem. And to make it worse, it just kept on snowing…

Ma measured the snow: This is very scientific, you know. That was a whole ruler that succumbed to the snow. Almost 12 inches. No wonder I didn’t want to go out and disappear inside the white stuff.

IMG_7461

I sat at the window and stared out. How can the world suddenly be white? What does this mean? Is there a God? And where does food come from?

IMG_7427 2

At night the temperatures dropped. I’m lucky as I have a fur coat that keeps me warm but I do love those white things attached to the wall that give off heat. I just sit there soaking up the heat – although on this occasion I couldn’t work out why my behind was cold and my face boiling hot.

IMG_7454

Although we still have snow, I have got used to it and it is beginning to melt. I’ve ventured out a lot now. It was actually fun diving into the snow and chasing it.

But now that I don’t need to worry about where to go to the toilet I’m worrying about why the food I’m given is never the one that I want.

IMG_7464
Why don’t I get given freshly cooked fish?
Advertisements

Bored Bertie

I’ve spent days… no weeks… bored out of my mind. I thought about coming here and letting all my friends know what I’ve been doing but there was nothing to report. I was trying not to feel the pressure of social media with such a boring life but it was hard. I wanted to come here and boast about things that never happened and pretend I have the perfect life. But I didn’t. Instead I tried many new things for real.

Reading: The boredom got me pulling books out of the bookshelf. Claws out and straight into the top to pull it out. Books look interesting. They’re colourful and my claws sink nicely into them. The book toppled out and landed like this. Ma looked rather surprised to see this one – as if I somehow wanted to know about her life…. Actually it just made me hungry.

IMG_7467

 

Reading wasn’t my forte. So I took the opportunity to bathe myself in sunshine, when there was sun.

Honestly, life was becoming boring. So boring in fact, that after attempting to read a book, sunbathe in winter and sit beside the sofa, to see how long it would take before I was noticed, that I then decided to go mad. I ran like crazy in the living room and managed to grab hold of some wool and attach it to my paw. Off we went together, flying from the living room to the hallway. I span round and span again – wow this yarn, the sparkle, it was amazingly fun. And no catnip in sight (or smell). I was deliriously happy but Ma not quite so. Once she took it off me I found an orange bag to sit in. Maybe this would be more interesting. Nope.

So after bag-climbing, yarn-destroying (with the item being made still attached and rapidly unravelling), sunbathing in winter and reading, I was quite hungry.  With a full tum I tucked myself up to sleep in wait for another day. Only, the following days were a complete shock…

IMG_7348

Missing

That’s right. I went missing. It was after Ma put a hammock in the garden. Obviously for me.

IMG_6937 3
I love the hammock!

I was as happy as Larry with my lot in life. But on Saturday morning I decided to head towards the fields. This is not new but this day was different…

I’m not going to tell you where I went because Ma and Pa still don’t know but I was gone for 12 hours, which I’ve never done before. I saw Ma and Pa walking and calling me. I continued to ignore them. They walked an impressive 10 miles. Clearly this is a ploy to get them fit!

IMG_6976 2
In a very bad mood

When darkness fell I sauntered through the catflap. I could not believe they were both on the sofa crying. Already they had given up on me and thought I wasn’t coming back! What a cheek!

When they saw me they leapt up and cuddled me. I was not in a cuddly mood. They actually grounded me and locked the catflap when all I wanted to do was go straight back outside.

I was not in a good mood at all now.

IMG_6979 2
You can’t reach me.

In fact I was furious and just so they knew this I decided to sleep under the cabinet where they could not reach me.

We’re all ok now. They let me out again and I haven’t been gone for all that time since. Me and Pa are the best of friends again – he gives me treats when I come in – so purrrfect. I’ve clearly trained him well.

 

IMG_7007 2
Me and Pa

And I’ve two new chairs now. Of course provided for me because everything is for me. So here is me feeling very smug.

Munchausen by Proxy

I discovered that there is a pattern in the frequency I am taken to the vet. About once a month, just after Pa gets paid. To begin with I thought it was my fault. Firstly there was an abscess and it made me cry. Second time there was another abscess on my tail. Third time…..?

Well  yes, the third time there was nothing wrong with me. A pimple under my chin, the vet said. And “Oh that’s his lymph node there.” So why, do I ask, was I taken to the vet?

IMG_6729

I have been thinking about this for some time, as I sit up high – I feel safer the closer I am to the ceiling and I can think more clearly.  I have come to the conclusion that it is not me that is ill but Ma. Munchausen by proxy to be precise. I have heard of this once. I am not sure what else she will think is wrong with me next month but I noticed her looking at Beauty Salons recently.

I heard her tell Pa that I had 4 white eyebrows on one side and just two on the other. I looked in the mirror and I think I can see what she is talking about. So now I am wondering if she is booking me into a beauty salon for an eyebrow implantation.

My plan of action is stay out of reach when the cat carrier comes out. And I have some amazing hiding places that I will share with you in another post.

In the mean time I am happily playing with my toys because I am fit and well and ready for some hunting! Here’s some action shots!

A Walk in the Countryside

Adventure in the countryside.

In the wonderful heat we’ve been having this past week Ma and Pa decided to go for a country stroll. I’ve always been curious as to where they go so I sat on the driveway and watched them walk away.

Then I made my move! I galloped past them and stopped, waiting for them to catch up.  And then I kept following them. They thought it was funny and I was having fun.

They were taking the route to the kissing gate. I’d not been this way before. But when I went through I could not believe my eyes!

The long grass! the brambles! The birds! The noises! Everything! I was not going to stick to the grass path. This was cause for exploring. I’m 2 1/2 years old I don’t need to be by Ma and Pa’s side all the time.

Ma’s voice went a little strange… I think they call it stress. She was calling, “Bertie! Bertiiieeeeeeeee!” And “Bertie, no don’t disappear there.”

I disappeared in brambles and Pa pulled a branch out to dangle in front of me and lead me back towards them. I’m cleverer than they think and gave them hope by walking forward and then getting side tracked under more brambles.

Alas, the fun had to end – grrr. Like a dog I obediently came to them.  And for this I was carried home. The humiliation!

IMG_6687

After exploring the new unknown I was happy to stay indoors and sleep off the excitement. I do love to find good places to sleep and what better place than the stairs!

IMG_6691

Next Door

So it’s been a busy time since I last wrote. I’ve been trying so hard to befriend the cats next door. They’re black, tall and handsome. They’re called Mo and Joe. Trouble is they don’t like me. I am trying to get them used to me by just sitting there and not threatening them. Joe has started to come over into my garden and we sit together on the shed roof. Occasionally we hiss at each other.

When I go into their garden I like to watch through the door and see Mo and Joe eating. I’m sure their food is better than mine. I’ve tried hunger strike. It gets more food in my bowl… and then thrown away and then more…. It is just so unappetising. Ma and Pa do spend quite some time with the food drawer open choosing what to feed me. I get all excited thinking it’ll be a gourmet meal but even those pouches that say gourmet are really not a patch on the mice.

Anyway, back to next door. Ma and Pa went away. I now know what this suitcase means when it comes out.

img_6492.jpgApparently it was an idyllic place with views of the sea and of Snowdonia. This did mean, though, that I was left on my own… well not quite on my own but with Auntie C and Uncle E from next door. Auntie C came and fed me and cuddled me. She was really good but I did think that maybe I should simply move into their house. I mean, this has happened before when I was left by my previous owners and it was neighbours who fed me until i was taken to the RSPCA. Or I could simply have two homes. Now I like that idea.

I have managed to get into next door and Auntie C gives me cuddles and sometimes food. Mo and Joe are accepting me more now, even when I’m in their house which is real progress! I am definitely a cat that likes cats (well, most cats).

img_6506-e1496259730517.jpgThe situation changed again the following week when Ma and Pa came home but Auntie C and Uncle E went away. This was weird. I would turn up to greet my other family in the early morning and discover Ma was in there feeding Mo and Joe. This was truly odd.

This is a photo of me feeling very perplexed by the whole thing. Plus, I’m sure they are getting better food than me. I’m not sure how to change that.

As you can see there are no fluffy tails here just an innocent check on my friends and bewilderment regarding Ma. But I do like to see my friends several times a day, especially sitting on that wooden chair which I have claimed as my own.

I have now got myself into more trouble. I had the hiccups today which was most unpleasant and strange. But Ma also hurt me when she picked me up and touched my sore leg. I yelped a bit but realised this was a mistake as I was later bundled off to the vet. I hate the vet; I cry a lot when they give me injections. There is a lump on my leg and apparently this is an abscess from fighting (like I said, I don’t like all cats). I’m ok and feeling much better now. Ma and Pa don’t look too pleased though – this was clear when they made the card payment at the till. I looked the other way and pretended I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t cry at all on the way home, I thought it best to keep a low profile.  Now this evening I am back on my wooden chair next door. I am determined to have two homes… just for security purposes, you understand. I have abandonment issues.

I am no Murderer

So I love to be outdoors. We all know that. And I love mice. I do also love Ma and Pa but when they sit watching Midsomer Murder and don’t seem to notice me then things must change.

IMG_6357

The catflap is amazing and I love to utilise it (and wear the battery down).  The garden is perfect when Ma comes out with me. When she’s not out I like to investigate the front. There is more to choose from out there: there’s the village green; fields upon fields of farm land; hedgerows; and many dogs… I avoid them. But the mice are not in short supply.

So when Midsomer Murder had been on for quite some time I decided something needed to change. My catflap was essential for this plan. I climbed out and went past my neighbour’s house which gives me access to the front (they have two cats but I’ll tell you about my neighbours another day).

Off I went in search of mice and found a lovely dark brown one. I played with it and purred a lot. I do love to catch the mice especially when they run away and I catch them again. But this was no time for games so I put Mouse in my mouth and headed back to the catflap.

No one noticed when I first came in. There was just 10 minutes left of Midsomer Murder – perfect timing! If I got their attention now they would never know who the murderer was.

I popped the mouse behind the ottoman in the hallway and then I jumped on top and started scratching at the cushion. Unusually, it took a while for Ma to come and find out what I was doing. She looked confused and picked me up but I was determined to get down. That mouse was behind the ottoman! She popped me on the floor and I saw another way though, below the radiator. And that was when Ma screamed to Pa that there had to be a mouse there.

I missed all the fun then because they shut me in the kitchen. I could hear them though. The mouse ran towards the front door and passed all the shoes. Apparently they didn’t actually see it go out. So after they released me I watched them spend quite some time shaking the shoes… How many shoes?

I went back to the ottoman but although I could still smell him there he had clearly gone.

Ma and Pa never did find out who the murderer was in Midsomer. It could have been the purrrrfect murder …

IMG_6348
I am no murderer.